'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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