I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
