hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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