Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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