I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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