If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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