Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
When did angry sex become our thing?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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