two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
