I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
