i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she smelled like a LAN party
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
