I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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