why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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