im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
