My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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