I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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