i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dear god my vagina.
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