i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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