I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
