I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
