Cold hands, warm shart.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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