i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
