how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
