when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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