she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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