I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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