On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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