she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
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Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize