I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
