I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
