I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
