Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
