Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
