I think im going to throw up on grandma
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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