I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
