Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
