Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
