Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
