dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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