who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
