We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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