i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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