this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
