I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
