I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
