No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
