Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so explain again why im purple
no
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
