i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
