this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
