We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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