my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
