i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
operation harelip BJ is a go
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
