i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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