Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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