CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
