Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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