she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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