Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
