you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
