Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
