Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
