The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
