McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
