His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
