sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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