She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
