Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
