Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize