Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
