tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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