i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
