Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
