There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
