You just made me feel so damn special
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
